Cheetah Chronicles

This post has no purpose, if you have a better way to spend your time I would recommend not reading any further.  I have a slew of random thoughts that don’t have room in my brain, so I am using the chronicles as my trash can. 

1.  I will never understand how people ingest wasabi without making “that face.”  Who invented wasabi?  Unsuspecting green paste, mmm sounds yummy, oh and it sets my whole self on fire, give me more.  And the people who think they are extra cool by loading it on.  You are not cool.  You are now snot sucking and wiping sweat from your forehead, gross.

2.  Men should not wear capris, especially not capri jeans.  I saw it today and it hurt.  A lot.  Skinny jeans and skinny jean shorts should not be made.  Someone be their friend and tell them its not good.  Send them back inside and don’t let them out until they have full length pants on.

3.  Why are pants called pants and not pant…one single pair is plural, I just don’t get it.

4.  How do you say the word palm…is it pahhhhlm…is it pom?  Do you pronounce the L?  Same with huge…if you say it yoooj I don’t think we can hang out.

5.  My iPod/iTunes got hijacked…for real.  Somehow i look at the digital display and it says “Just got Paid” but what’s in my ear is Cotton Eyed Joe.  Disrespect. 

6.  When someone says “long story short” they just lied.  Count on it.  If they didn’t say those three words to begin with their story would be shorter.

7.  I would like to carry cards like referee’s do in soccer and throw them at people when they don’t say thank you or acknowlege someone holding the door for them. 

8.  I hate that everything I see I feel the urgency to make a status update.  I want to hold classes on status updates to tell people that facebook isn’t a long dear diary entry.  Red Card.

9.  Why do my running clothes smell worse than a swamp?  Do clothes rot?  Is my sweat toxic?  Can it dissolve dri fit? 

10.  Glass cleaner claims to be streak proof…whatever.  I never got to be the product tester and I assure you I can streak any piece of glass.

11.  Why do cat fights sound like whaling babies?  I thought someone left two babies on my porch, crying.  No, it was garfield and other garfield killing each other on my porch.  Why do you wait to slaughter each other until 1am?  Very inconsiderate.

12.  What happened to myspace? 

13.  Why does this guy at my gym roll up one side of his shorts?  I know the deal with rolling up one pant leg but shorts?  Dude, why are you so uncool?  Stop.

14.  I went shopping, everything would have been so cute if it wasn’t horribly ugly.  What is the deal with making super tight pants and tent like shirts.  But if I fall out of a plane, my shirt will double as a parachute.  Great.

15.  I would like to get rid of all condiments (except salsa).  They serve no purpose than to mask the taste of what mother nature intended.  Stop hating on Mom, she will make it rain when you wear silk or white.

16.  Golf announcers whisper in an accent and I like that.

17.  I have nothing more for now..but know that I will…and for that I am sorry.

18.  I have magnetism for the strange, and I am ok with that…if it wasn’t for that my material would be lacking.  There are times when I talk with someone and in my head say…”you are a story happening right now”.

If you made it this far I am truly sorry for wasting your precious time. 

I have to go do something awesome right away.  Bye.

Cheetah taking out the Trash

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I have been away.  You have been sad.  Today, dry your eyes and stop acting like a baby.  I am back and your harmony must be as well.  You are welcome.

This post has been inspired by my morning run and my new best friend, little Charmin Garmin.  I did what any ‘normal’ runner does before they head out for a longish run – check the forecast.  It looked reasonable, in a steamy, i will sweat my rear off kind of reasonable way.  85 but feels like 92…..let me say this if it “FEELS LIKE” 92, it IS 92.  I told myself, self, here’s the plan..you will run slower and it won’t feel as bad.  Logic Fail.  That’s right Rowe, brilliant, why don’t you run slower so you will be in the scalding rays of the sun longer.  That is bad and FEELS LIKE horrible. 

I tried to bring my water bottle with me, I thought I would feel less terrible if I had water.  How on earth do people carry water with them?  I don’t get it.  I have no skill when it comes to this – I can’t do it.  The slosh sound – it makes me nuts.  The bottle weighed too much..all 16.9 ounces, TOO MUCH.  I threw it out.  I surely don’t need this torture of carrying this.  I admire those who have packed like they are hiking in the Himalayas for a month – they have it all, enough gel to feed Africa, snack bags of sticky candy, and little bottles (37 of them strapped to their waist) of some mysteriously colored liquid.  I don’t know what they really have in there but it looks ugly and not meant for this girl.  I am sure their grocery store strapped to their waist only weighs 5 pounds but FEELS LIKE 300.  Pass.

I’m 6.5 miles into my trot…it’s not a run at this point.  I see an older couple, out for a morning run.  They took things to a new level…it was disturbing.  Not only were they running faster than me (unacceptable) by a whole lot..they were carrying their groceries from Publix (our local grocery store).  This is for serious.  So for serious.  For true.  I couldn’t believe it.  That takes going to run out to get something to eat to a new level.  Curse them.  How on Earth could they be running so smooth with bags in each hand?  Dang it my water was too heavy and grandma and grandpa skip past me like the tortoise I was.  It was a slap in the runner ego but FELT LIKE a TKO. 

Then it started to rain.  Just near me.  I was soaked in sweat..(and for the record I hate that sweet and sweat are spelled so similarly, it upsets me).  So soaked that I saturated my shorts and not in a good way.  (I don’t think there is a good way).  Now I am so soaked that sweat is dripping from my DRI fit shorts…dri fit my arse!  Sog Fit.  That’s what I was sporting..super Sog Fit…for the sweaty runner who can’t keep their sweat glands in check.  I need to create shorts made of Bounty..the quicker picker upper…super absorbent. 

What I will conclude with is this…although the 2 hours of sloth like trotting was hot, challenging and miserable…it was 2 hours that were an investment.  I would rather know that I got out there and tried even if it was bad.  Now I can enjoy the rest of my day knowing I accomplished something.  Anyone can run when it’s easy…it’s more about how hard you push when it’s not…

Stay Dri…

Cheetah wrapped in Bounty

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Let me just say I could and likely should create an aircraft etiquette book (perhaps a series of books) that can be created all from what I have learned from bad behavior.  There is so much I can say on this topic as I have been on many a flight, which does not make me an expert but it does remind me barbarians are among us…

So here are some gems from my flight last night, I didn’t want the public to go without this information.

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Please be seated.  Better yet, pull up the therapy couch.  Lay down.  This is big.  I. Saw. TWO MOVIES this week.  That’s right, TWO!  The world is ending. 

Why the sudden change?  Mid life meltdown?  I don’t really know.  Getting out of my comfort zone…being kicked out of my comfort zone, perhaps.  OR, ladies and gentlemen..the highest levels of boredom. 

Why don’t I like movies..the list is huge but as to not put you to sleep (unless you suffer from Insomnia I will connect you with Greg and he can tell you about his job).  I hate seeing things that are not reality – I don’t like seeing things that could not really happen.  I believe it gives the human mind false hope for things that can’t ever happen.   It puts images in front of you that make you want for things you never did before you saw the 2 hours of fakeness.  (yes, fakeness)  I want everything that comes from my mind to be an original thought with as few pieces of fakeness influencing me.  (I am submitting fakeness to wikipedia and you will see a picture of something un-real. ie. Trumps Hair)

Now, this is not to say that I don’t appreciate a good movie…although they do require attention span that I have only .7% of the time.  So chances are high that I will be the fidgeter.  The one who has to cross, un-cross and re-cross the legs…the one who has to adjust in the seat constantly…yes, HER.  The one you give the “movie hate eyes”.  Then there are the movie distractors…every theatre has them..the popcorn slobs and the slurpers.  There is nothing delicious about that last drop of soda, BUT the super sucker is bound and determined to try six times too many to get that last drop.  Bet it tastes like wax or air…something I have never longed for.  But, I suppose I would if it was missing from my life.  The popcorn savages are the ones who don’t even look at the bag but throw their hands in there and rummage around like a racoon in your trash.  The bag is so loud.  It echos in my ear..no matter where the popcorn animal is sitting..I hear you.  You can’t make the bag quiet..and if you do, the sound of you crunching makes me wish for a roof tile to suddenly fall on you.  Slurp and Crunch..two sounds that you can’t escape in the theatre.  Silence is not just golden it is divine.  If only the Lord Himself could intervene and silence the violators.

The movie was pretty good, no, it was VERY good.  I said it.  It made me think about fate, chance, free will and the power of true love.  What lengths people will go to when they REALLY love someone….it blows my mind.  I know I haven’t found true love yet but when I do, I am going to hold on and treasure it.  I have waited for 35 years and will wait for another 35 until its right.  I believe in fate.  I believe in love at first sight.  I believe in free will.  I believe in divine intervention.  I believe in me.  I believe in HIM.  I believe He will make our paths cross, and not by chance….by divinely ordered steps.  Until then, I will wait…patiently.  It’s worth the wait.

I am going to get a cheeseburger now.  I told you…midlife meltdown…armageddon…are you not laying down?  Why don’t you listen?  Your mamma should slap you.  Or not…I’m just kidding.  I can’t ingest animal flesh..it will end me.  And, what would my fans do without the chronicles?  Probably make a movie about the Cheetah…please, when you do…no popcorn or straws allowed.

Much Love to y’all….it’s great to be alive!

Cheetah Girl in Flux

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TIGHTS!  Yeah, I said it…tights…not the kind to be worn with a nice skirt…no, I’m talking runner tights.  The kind that make you look like you are a super hero fail.  Got the image…good, I have them…I wear them and I love them.  They are the fashion of mom jeans (not my mom because she is cool) but the waist line is mid rib cage, I feel the elastic when I breathe.  It’s like a rib cage monitor…don’t pull the strings too tight or you will end yourself.    It gets better…they have TWO zippers…at the ankles.  We don’t want air getting in there – it will ruin the vacuum seal look, which is just what America is hoping to see, a vacuum sealed cheetah.  Shield your eyes…heed my warning…its going to show up in public, and for this, I am sorry.

Runner fashion is nothing to mess with, its serious.  So very serious.  What other group of people could get away with wearing shorts that belong to their children?  One swift breeze and Mr. Shorty Shorts has just ruined my smile for the rest of the day.  But he’s not ashamed, no he loves those shorts..those are his lucky race shorts.  We love dry fit, not the most flattering fabric.  I mean, they don’t make business suits of dry fit BUT if they did…all runners would be debuting that at the office.  Who wouldn’t want moisture wicking pants and a sport coat?  Those meetings can get intense, no one will see you sweat..it will be wicked away.  Which makes me wonder..where does this moisture get wicked to?  I need to know so I don’t go there.  I am afraid of all bodies of liquid that have no identifiable source.  Like the mystery liquid in the parking lot when it didn’t even rain, yeah where did THAT come from.  Maybe it’s snake spit?  Sick.

Perhaps a dry fit dress would be nice…I think that exists but think of the efficiency here.  You could kick off your heels and throw on the mizunos and run like the runner nerd you host from within.  Why don’t they make baby dri fit gear?  Babies seem to always have some form of non-dry things on them…seems logical to me.  (especially since I have no children of my own,  people of the blog, its your job to invent this and test it). 

Not only do we have super ugly fashion we have very annoying OCD habits.  Gotta get up at an exact hour, eat, digest, poop, suit up and take to the streets.  We have to be in bed by a certain hour to be sure we don’t sabotage ourselves from the amazing run we know we will be having.  We talk like, yeah, I do 15 miles every weekend for a warm up.  I am so amazing and I see you noticing how awesome I am.  Being awesome can not be taught, either you have it or you don’t..there is no awesome school…no awesome 101 (if they did have awesome classes I would be teaching Grad level, that class is about being humble). 

No point to tonight, just in a great mood thinking about the fortune of my life.  I LOVE my life.  I have an amazing family (that doesn’t have drama..really we don’t), the most beautiful nieces and nephews who make me melt with the sound of their voice, friends that I would lay down my life for, and an amazing job!  There are times when I realize that all of the suffering that i have endured in my lifetime has made me appreciate every little thing on a level deeper than I thought possible. 

That’s all for now…I can’t seem to stop babbling…lucky you.

Cheetah in Tights!

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Hello.  It’s been a while my friends..life has been successful at preventing my sacred keyboard time.  But not to worry we are united again.  I do seem to have the electronic brown touch – I have managed to fry my computer twice, super.  My touch screen on my phone doesn’t work when I say and randomly selects people to call at will, more super.  My blackberry died…ultimate superness.  Perhaps its best that I have been away for a bit.

Was thinking about a few things, thinking about my run that I’m about to go on this morning.  I can’t wait to get out the door to let the worries and fears that live inside me fall to the pavement.  Once I do that, my hopes and dreams redeem that coveted space inside my mind.  It’s amazing to me that when life gets so stressful that I feel that the world is falling apart, my sneakers are my symbol of hope.  I am sure that sounds so stupid but it’s my escape and everyone needs an escape. 

The time spent soaking in the rays of the sun, the beat of the music, the feel of the earth beneath my feet, nothing in the world like it. 

The other thing on my mind is what it takes to inspire someone to action – what makes a person choose to get up off the couch and get out the door, for the first time.  I had the fortune of someone I barely know send me a facebook message saying that my posts and how happy i appear moved her to start running.  She’s never run a day in her life.  You never know what people are paying attention to – sometimes you don’t even have to speak to spark inspiration.  Keep being that example of health and goodness and I have no doubt in my mind that you will touch someone’s life and change it for the better.

A bit deep for my return to the chronicles, promise the next time I will be writing in my usually smart alec fashion.

No dream is too big – not one…through HIM ALL things are possible.  ALL THINGS!  Now if that doesn’t make you smile from ear to ear I don’t know what will!

Let’ s make today amazing, because we can.

Cheetah dream seeking

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Awesome coming through…please step aside..this awesome is huge and so awesome you need to take a few steps back!  Today, on my mind…the competitive spirit and where it comes from.  Part of me believes that drive and motivation may be consequence of surroundings.  I was trying to think about all the things that drive me to work harder..to push myself to be better, faster, stronger (start singing Kanye here).

Some days its music.  I can be feeling so crappy and then all of sudden, just the right music comes on and I am treadmill dancing.  (insert Elton John singing Tiny Dancer here).  My feet skip, i dance, I fist pump to the sky (Tiger style), I shake my head…i pretty much do the entire check list of things that I should be mocked for doing.  But in the moment, it’s just me and my music and nothing else in the world is around.  Amazing how the mind can escape like that.  (I wonder where it escapes to?  albuquerque?  Bet bugs bunny knows where my mind is..twelve points if you get this reference).

Other days..motivation comes from who I “perceive” to be watching me…in my own little feable brain, I just *know* this stallion of a man behind me is admiring my graceful stride and cheetah like form.  I can feel his eyes, and read his mind that says, “wow, she is so fast, she is impressive and awesome.”  I have no doubt that is what is happening, which means, now, I must run faster to be even more impressive.  Only to turn around and see this stallion has galloped away and never saw even a second of my olympic trials on the treadmill. 

Today, it was seeing people trying their hardest.  As much as I feel the dreadmill is a terrible device made for those afraid of nature (such as myself) -it can be a great tool.  I was surrounded by people pushing themselves to the limit!  I get so much energy from watching others do their best..whatever their best is…people with canes, people with one leg, people who are over 80, people who are super fit, people who aren’t…all shapes, all sizes..everyone giving it their all.  Admittedly I was sore and tired…but being surrounded with all of this made me push myself harder.  My inner self talk (pick up the pace Rowe, no one walks to the finish line, you won’t get better by taking it easy!…or my favorite..four won’t break itself (thanks Greg, that haunts me now).

That’s all..I have nothing left.  Nothing except a great day at Epcot enjoying the Food and Wine Festival.  Burned plenty of calories that I need to replace.

Happy running people..stay up…stay motivated…stay smooooooooooooooth!

Cheetah gone nutty

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Good evening my good people – nice to have you perusing my page.  I don’t really have too much to disucss this evening but was prompted (by a relative named Greg) to get off my lazy butt and write something.  He needs something to read, I guess he has finished reading the internet.  Haven’t we all?

I finally got out running at night, something that is unusual for me.  Something about the night cleared my mind and opened my heart.  I don’t really know what it was that came over me – the weather was a like a cool summer breeze, the music on my iPod made my body so alive, and the scenery was suddenly new and brilliant.  When I run in the morning before the sun comes up I only get to see the construction workers (aka Cheetah Fan Club as self designated, I KNOW they are impressed with me, they are lucky they get to see such amazing wildlife each morning!).  But at night…in the nice town of Celebration, I saw something much better (although it is hard to compete with my sweaty fan club).  I saw people out walking together, kids playing in the streets, cyclist, people walking their dogs, other runners – with the Florida sun sinking into the clouds.  Breathtaking.

It made me wonder if I would have been as moved by my surrounding if I just drove by…something about being on foot makes things more beautiful.  My run opened up my mind, got rid of my thoughts from the day and let me take in these sights and appreciate them so much. 

I wish I could truly explain where my desire to help others learn to run comes from.  It’s like when you try something that tastes so delicious you want others to enjoy it just like you did.  I feel the same way about running, if others can try it maybe they can feel the sense of joy I do..i want that for ALL people.  Its my way of helping people in need so to speak.  My pastor spoke about this - he said “when you pass by someone in need it breaks God’s heart.  What if that person in need was an angel He sent?”  When you are doing well and things are aligning for you, feeling on top of the world – stop and help someone who needs a smile.  I promise you what’s on the outside is rarely a reflection of how they are on the inside.  Wouldn’t it be cool if you picked 2 people a week to do something nice for, for absolutely no reason.  What a great place the world would be…my world is pretty great, I would like to help someone else make their world great too.

And finally…I have a few friends running their first half marathon this weekend – not sure why but I feel a sense of pride and want to cry for them already.  I get THAT happy about seeing people have a goal, work towards it and achieve it…can’t wait to see my friends with their FIRST MEDALS! 

So there it is…a running stream of consciousness…in no order..just what fell out of my head tonight.

Be Blessed…pick your two people…even if its a text you send out of the blue, pay a toll for someone else, buy a co-worker a cup of coffee, call your mom, send a hand written card to someone…those things will be remembered. 

I wish everyone could see through Cheetah Eyes

Cheetah Beaming with Light

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Sitting out bites.  I hate it.  I hate how paranoid I feel when I am defying my doctors orders.  Why did I go to the doctor in the first place?  I have no idea.  I don’t need some fancy medical degree or nice letters after my name to know that I am clearly better suited to diagnose my foot problem.  Why do I find what he has told me invalid?  I prefer to believe what he has told me is invalid.  Is it possible that I have a hearing disorder..defined as the inability to hear anything that would upset me and make me not run.  Do not mock…this is no time for laughing – my self loathing of how I feel now is at an all time high.

I was running this morning.  (I know, I know..shhhhh…don’t tell the doctor).  I wanted to go fast but was haunted by my doctors face…and the look of disappointment with my hearing disorder.  I kept thinking, what’s another mile, I have already come this far.  Well call me genius…ya, keep going, forget the fracture, that’s for wimps, let’s shatter it.  Way to go slick.  (i should slap myself for being dumb)

So in my obsessiveness and complete lack of ability to do what I am supposed to do, I have researched just how to cure myself.  The list isn’t really helpful but here is what I found:

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  Progress slowly..like how slow…I don’t have time for slow.

Eat well, I do..I enjoy my protein shakes and goldfish snacks. I am sure this is exactly what they mean.

No problem here.  I have heals for any occasion.  Now replace shoes?  Who is the author…I just don’t understand.  I get adding to the collection but replacement, absurd.

I can see my physician, I see him well, there is nothing wrong with my eyes

Someone who cares about me told me this and it is slowly sinking in…he said, “Cheetah you are so young, you have years of running and infinite number of races to participate in, what’s 2 weeks off?”  He’s right.  There is time.  Patience is paramount.  Self Control and discipline, necessity.  I need to go after recovery as aggressively as I go after races.  My legs are a gift and I need to treat them like the treasure God intended them for, to do good things and inspire others. 

God has me sitting out for a reason.  Time for reflection.  Time for true realization that running is not an entitlement, it is a gift. 

I just found five dollars.

Cheetah on the Mend

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Up in the trees, lurking around the corner, hiding out…I know you see me and i know you are watching.  Each time I have disregarded your warnings, I know you are there and laughing your sinister laugh (like the one the evil scientist does).  You throw sabotage tactics in my path, but I hurdle them (or so I tell myself).  Like a ninja, I can’t see you BUT I know you are there.    You have provided me a list of warnings, told me just what NOT to do and just what to do…I have listened to just what I want to hear.  I can, I am a woman.

Today takes the cake – I have no doubt it was you, sitting in your car across the street, just waiting for me to run on by.  You know my path and I KNOW you were the pilot of the remote control bat (I prefer not to believe it was real although it was).  SWOOPING in front of my face, so close your wings touched me.  I hate touching.  I stopped.  ABORT RUN.  And then, i realized, it must be you….and so I kept going.

Stop it with the subtle reminders.  Stop it with the “I told you so face” the one I know you are doing even though I can’t see you.  I give you that you are smart and do think what you have told me is valid.  But, because I am runner I am invincible and have a hearing disorder, able to only hear the sound waves that say, yes, you CAN run.  You never said couldn’t..you said shouldn’t…oh, what a huge mistake on your part.

Although I realize it’s in my benefit to surrender, I just CAN’T!  I have a problem.  I can’t stop.  I will conquer you.  I will prove your theory wrong.  (que special dramatic oh my gosh music)…….fade….Runner limps away and makes follow up appointment with him…stupid foot doctor.

Cheetah’s don’t walk.

Limping Cheetah Girl

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