Cheetah Chronicles

After I work out this hard I am going to reward myself with this four thousand calorie pie.  Does anyone else see the ridiculousness of this statement.  I hear it all the time and want to do a little slappy slap to the face and ask what the hey.  Really…let me work super hard and then quickly reverse my progress.  That does not make sense to me at all. 

I don’t have any issues with enjoying meals and working out a little harder if you indulge but the whole “reward” thing with food is weird.  Let me use this analogy – take your car to the gas station – you fill up the tank…you don’t fill it until it overflows, why..because a) your car won’t let you b) that’s a stupid idea c) its messy and smells bad.  Treat your body the same way…considering those three reasons – fill your body with the fuel it needs but don’t over flow.  Now if you want to get nuts…fill it with really good fuel and the result…DIESEL! 

Look at your grocery store as Hess…stop in…get what you need..only what you need and drive away. 

And i will close with this lovely statement from a very classy rock band (points to anyone who knows where I got it from)  I’m not a (wo)man or machine, I’m just something in between.  Profound.

Cheetah Girl….next post…..Hating on Buffets

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My run this morning was horrific.  I am not here to complain rather to pity myself publicly.  I had not been able to get out for a long run in over a week and couldn’t wait to get out there this morning.  Today was the debut of the fuel belt…or runner nerd credential.  Let’s just say HATE is mild..I loathe this piece of equipment.  How on Earth do people run with those things – I simply do not get it.  Every single step you feel this sloshing and bouncing on your hips, I would rather carry a kid in a backpack than run with a fuel belt.  I took that piece of junk off in a hurry and shoved it in my mailbox.

Not only do I fail to comprehend the fuel belt runners, I will NEVER EVER EVER understand how people run in pants in Florida.  It’s not natural.  I faint looking at them…I want to let them know that people are ok seeing their legs.  Let them see daylight, let the legs out…be one with the sun.  But for real, I get sick seeing people running in pants and long sleeves -they must be connected to the mother ship and powered by over heating.

My goal this morning was to run without sounding like an entire pack of wolves.  My result was pure failure, I firmly believe a second pack of wolves joined me.  Try running with a pillow over your face, that about captures how I felt.  It was like I got the oxygen memo..hurry and get it now because its running out.  People, sorry to say, there is no more oxygen left, I used ALL OF IT this morning.

I got back from my run of misery and stood at the base of my stairs hoping a magic ski lift would show up and bring me to the top.  It looked so far…all 15 steps.  I made it and drank water is if there was a shortage on that as well.

Running is meant to be fun and today was not..not all runs are fun but not once have I ever regretted getting out there.  That’s the beauty of running – it’s mysterious..you never know what you are going to discover when you get out there.  Sometimes the days you feel the worst when you start you have the run of a lifetime.  I will keep getting out there and trying just in case I might catch that runners high…because when it happens there is not one thing in the world that compares to that euphoria.

Run Happy! 

Dehydrated Cheetah/Wolf pack

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Tonight it was confirmed, my paranoia is good.  That’s right, it’s very good.  Inside the cheetah brain I believe my brain waves on any given run are what most would call extreme.  I know many can relate and have these identical thoughts…and if not, you may not want to read any further as I might scare you. 

1.  I pay close attention to any and all shadows, based on the angle of the sun and the shadow of the approaching runner determines my level of discomfort.  It also goes hand in hand with my speed.

2.  Every animal sends out a signal to their animal communities asking them to scare me to death at any and all opportunities.  The squirrel mafia has the best communication plan and they are all notified in seconds of my presence in public.  I believe if I make eye contact with them they will in fact attack.

3.  When running close to any body of water, including puddles of rain, I am convinced there is a gator lurking.  I am also afraid of any water that comes from an unidentified source….sickens me really.

4.  Know this..any white van that drives within 50 miles of my running path clearly has killers in the back, loaded with duck tape,ready to snatch me from the Earth and end me.

5.  Any trash bag that is not near a dumpster, trash can or receptacle of any kind clearly has a body in it.  No question in my mind.

But being paranoid running isn’t the worst thing – its better than being oblivious.  I have learned to always make eye contact because attackers don’t want you to be confident or study their image.  Starring to the ground is a bad decision.  Keeping my music at a realistic decibel (fighting the urge to allow all passers by the joy of hearing what I am listening to) is essential, its the only way you can hear people, animals, and white vans approaching.  Knowing the area you are running in, also key to your safety. 

A final word of caution, if you are ever so fortunate to go for a run with my brother (and by go for a run WITH Greg I mean you start out together for 1.2 minutes until he completes 7 miles while you approach mile 2) be aware he is lurking..waiting, just seeking the right opportunity to sneak up on you and scare the crap out of you.  Greg, don’t think i forgot…i had to throw those shorts out.

Get out there and be safe!  Be aware..be alert…be careful and BE A CHEETAH!

Cheetah Girl

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You heard it here first…Foam Kills.  Something so simple, so unassuming is a straight up assassin!  In the event that you have no idea what on earth I am talking about I am kindly referring to the foam roller.

It looks so innocent, so soft and cuddly (ok, perhaps not cuddly..I don’t curl up with foam and hope my life never gets to that point..if my life does get to that point, as my faithful readers it is your job to submit the paperwork for counseling for me).  How is it that something so small can dig into your muscles with a dull knife and make you call for the Lord.

While I am on the topic..stretching – I am clearly losing my memory.  I flashback to the days of soccer practice when stretching was the most relaxing part of our practice, I looked forward to that part (and ironically dreaded laps, man have things changed!).  Stretching now is misery, it brings tears to my eyes and makes me make arguably the ugliest facial expressions.

When all is said and done…foam rolled and stretched – I stand up feeling AMAZING!!!

And to close on a totally unrelated topic – when you get out there, suited up and ready to take on that run – I beg you to waive to all runners, walkers, cyclist…mankind in general (unless they appear to have stalker qualities or may be a serial killer).  Nothing worse than mustering the energy to give the head nod recognizing fellow awesomeness coupled with a wave to get a stare to the ground or “the face”..and y’all know the one!

And with that please feel enriched..now go forth and run young cheetahs…get those sneakers on, get new fitness gear, get your play list ready and know that every single step is making you just a little healthier..just a little more fit and one step closer to wearing those jeans that need you in them! Do.Not.Let.Those.Jeans.Down!

Cheetah Girl

Happy Running Y’all! (insert a runner wave here)

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Cheetah Chronicles…yes, that’s right, I am a grown adult referencing myself as The Cheetah.  Don’t judge, just love.  I am here to babble mostly about running and perhaps anything else that strikes my fancy that may make the world a better place.  For example, mascara…i might comment on that, because it really does improve the environment.

With that as a superb introduction – I want to make it evident what my goals are – personally..I would like to run one marathon a year until I meet the Lord. (and really, I think the Lord wears Mizunos..I think the sandals are his post race shoe of choice).  As I strive to meet this goal, I hope to inspire at least one other person a year to run, even if its a 5K or a few laps around the track.  There is not one single thing in the world more precious than your health..without it you can’t fully enjoy every thing that this blessed Earth has to offer (like mascara!).

My younger brother sent me a message a while back (I will reference him often as I find him funny and he has whooped all of my personal records in running in an absurbly short window of time…love him, really.)  His message said that I was the base of the tree of inspiration – saying that I inspired him to run..then he inspired others..and they inspired others and so on…I hope to plant a whole Earth full of trees.

I love topics..send me your topics you would like to see me write about..because basically, I have an opinion about a lot and usually find humor is just about everything.

Get out your sneakers, pick a goal…devise a plan and MAKE.IT.HAPPEN!

The Cheetah must retire for the evening…resting up for the morning sunrise, music, my thoughts and best of all my love of my life, my Mizunos.  Please excuse me while I tuck in my little Mizunos.

Cheetah Girl

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